I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
