is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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