I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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