Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Be still, my beating vagina.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
