It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
