how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
