Midget sex pt 2 tonight
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
