it hurts more in the daytime
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
