funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
