had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
