my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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