So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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