my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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