Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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