I accidentally burped into my bong.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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