Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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