I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
