I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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