I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
