Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I need to calm my uterus...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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