I just threw up on my dentist
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
