margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
