My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
