Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
