I got chris browned last night
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
