so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
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i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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