I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
