just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
