So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
