Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
