he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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