Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
