Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Come back. Shots need mouths.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
