Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
