omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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