Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
