my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
