This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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