She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
