So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
