My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
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I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
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He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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