i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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