i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
