i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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