I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
