i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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