So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
