OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
