why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
