i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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