Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
