Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
thus making me awesome and them whores
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
