I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
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I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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