Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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