Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
