Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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