I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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